Papa's Basement » Dennis Reynolds

The Three Funniest Moments From It’s Always Sunny‘s “The Storm of the Century”

admin — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:59:56 +0000

The Gang doing a little mugging for the camera during the episode's climax.

Because it’s easy content and I love the show, I’m going to use every Friday from here on out to cherry-pick my three favorite scenes from the previous night’s episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. While last night’s episode, “The Storm of the Century,” (a 30-minute ode to the media’s love of over-hyping inclement weather for the sake of ratings), was no Shadynasty, it certainly had its moments. Here are the top three (in ascending order of awesomeness), which you’re free to disagree with in the comments so long as you acknowledge that I’m right and you’re wrong and you’re just trying to make it all about you. Egomaniac.

3. Sweet Dee Explains the Difference Between “Looting” and “Surviving”

America's princess.

As usual, it took the skills of one of the show’s two good actors to make the scene work, but Danny DeVito’s exchange with Kaitlin Olson regarding the difference between “looting” and “surviving” delivered regardless. Here’s the conversation in all of its glory:

(Seated at a computer watching YouTube clips) Do you remember years ago there was a storm in New Orleans?

(Shocked at Frank’s idiocy) Hurricane Katrina? Yeah, I remember it.

Yes? Okay, check this out. (Flips to a clip of white people raiding a store) What do you think these people are doing? Surviving or looting?

They’re surviving.

Ha. Okay, you remember a man named Rodney King?

Yes, of course I do.

The LAPD worked him over really good…this was taken during the Rodney King Riots. What do you think these people are doing? Looting or surviving? (Flips to a clip of black people raiding a store.)

Well, they’re looting.

Ha, ‘course! Well, it’s the media, see: When it’s white people, it’s survival, and, when it’s black people, it’s looting.

No, Frank, it’s because the white people are stealing bread and the black people are stealing speakers. If the white people were stealing stereo equipment, I would say they were looting, too.

How do you know the blacks don’t have bread in those speakers?

Gold, Jerry. Gold.

That has to be Christina Hendricks on the left, right?

2. Dennis Sees Jackie Denardo in the Flesh

Human nature is, by and large, depressing. We are nasty and brutish, our motives so selfish and base that we have to apply the thickest of sugarcoatings to them simply to get through life without utter contempt for our fellow man. Which is why I found it so refreshing that, in one continuous, slow-motion shot, Dennis Reynolds laid bare what it is that causes a man to really fall for a girl.

One of the episode’s central arcs was the gang’s ogling of local weather reporter Jackie Denardo, a blonde with a penchant for cramming her ridiculously large, fake breasts into the tightest of tops. (I think we can all agree she deserves an Emmy nod.) After heading to the store she’s broadcasting from in an attempt to meet her, Dennis finally sees Jackie walk across his field of vision. With the first heave of her massive bosom, a solitary bell tolls, then the pre-chorus of Heart’s “Alone” begins to blare. After 20 spellbound seconds, he draws in a gasp, then utters, “Oh my God…Charlie, I might be in love with this woman. Not for the right reasons, mind you.” And here was my response to the scene.

Moments before all charm drains from Mr. Dennis Reynolds.

1. Dennis Loses His Shit On Two Girls He’d Been Flirting With

This has happened to every guy. You’ve been flirting (or, at least what you thought was flirting) with a woman over the course of the night. Right before you go in for the kill and attempt to score her number, she reveals that she, in fact, has a boyfriend. Ladies, why do you do this? Why do you waste our time just to line the nests of your vanity with the twigs of our attention? All taken women should be forced to wear a star declaring their non-single status, preventing tragedies like that from ever occurring. Thankfully, Dennis Reynolds stuck up for every guy who’s ever pissed away an evening on a lost cause in the episode’s funniest moment:

(All smiles, wrapping up his pitch to invite two girls he’s bumped into to come back to his bar and ride out the storm) Yeah, it’s a great bar. Gonna be free drinks for everybody, so, you know, you’ll come, you’ll party with us, and you can bring your girlfriends, too. You know, we don’t want just the two of you. You gotta bring your girlfriends. That’s a requirement.

Sounds like fun. Can our boyfriends come, too?

(Every trace of interest immediately dropping from his face) Your boyfriends?

Yeah, our boyfriends.

(Barely concealing his rage) You two have boyfriends? How did you not know…that the reason I invited you back to my bar…was to bang you? GET OUT OF HERE! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! GET! GET OUT OF HERE! SHOO AWAY FROM ME!

All in all, it was another solid episode from the best season of Always Sunny in years. I hope they can deliver again next week.

If you enjoyed the article, please give the latest episode of my radio show a listen. What else would you do at your desk for an hour? Work? How un-American.

A Very Sunny Christmas-It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

admin — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 21:45:19 +0000

Is Fivehead McFlatchest the naked cast member? I won't spoil the surprise!

Anyone who’s been watching “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” for the past few months has been bombarded with ads for A Very Sunny Christmas during each and every one of the show’s commercial breaks. For those of you who watch the show but aren’t really sure what the hell AVSC is, it’s simply a double-length episode that was made for DVD, which allows the gang to include even saucier language and (God help us) nudity. So the question is, should you run out and cough up the 20 shekels for it?

The plot explores the usual Always Sunny territory, which is fine by me: Everyone in the gang does their best to bury the demons of Christmas past through a variety of ill-fated attempts that ultimately leave them feeling more hollow than before. AVSC‘s crescendo arrives with Charlie’s encounter with a mall Santa. Again, I’m not going to give away anything other than the scene revolves around massive quantities of a word that FX has yet to allow on its airwaves. There’s also a fun appearance by David Huddleston, aka “The Other Lebowski” which is a nice bonus for those of you as gaytarded for that movie as I am.

If you're a fan of the show, this scene alone is worth the price of admission.

So, at the end of the day, is A Very Sunny Christmas worth purchasing? Well, it’s almost 2010, and no one purchases media anymore. Going to the store to buy a disc sounds about as timely as raw-dogging a girl in the back of a Pinto to an eight-track of Led Zeppelin IV. That said, you can’t gift wrap an illegal download, so if you’re a fan of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” pull a classic John Papageorgiou maneuver and pick up a copy for someone you know you’ll be spending Christmas with, insist on borrowing the disc the instant they open it and never, ever return it. Happy holidays!

So many childhood memories of stop motion Christmas specials profaned...

Click here to watch A Very Sunny Christmas online via Amazon. Plus it’ll make me like $0.50 if you do, which, by writer’s standards, is a small fortune.

The D.E.N.N.I.S. System-It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

admin — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:06:37 +0000

Remember that article I wrote a few months ago about “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” jumping the shark? (Of course you do. I mean, who doesn’t hang on my every word?) Well, time for me to eat crow (or take a crow suppository or however crow is taken in today’s busy world) because the show’s latest episode, “The D.E.N.N.I.S. System,” capped off a string of recent Always Sunny masterpieces. Yes, Always Sunny is back. And largely because of Dennis’ brilliant system of pickup seduction.

Don't ask me how guys dressed like this get laid. Maybe that's why he's called 'Mystery.'

For those of you familiar with the pickup artist community, the episode is an obvious and rather brilliant satire of the cult of personality surrounding men like Mystery and Style. For those of you not familiar with pickup, I’ll break it down for you: Guys that at one point in their life had a paralyzing fear of women went out and got spray tans, purchased nice clothes and learned a few canned jokes to deliver to women. They acted very cocky so that women would convince themselves that these men were high status, and the women would become intrigued and want to sleep with said men with little or no dating involved. Lather, rinse, repeat and these progenitors of pickup built themselves harems of desirable women who required little upkeep. Seeing money to be made, they went out and shared their secrets (for a fee) with others, thus founding the pickup community.

The episode hinges on Dennis’ own pickup guidelines, branded the “D.E.N.N.I.S. System,” which consists of:
D-Demonstrate Value (Show the woman you wish to seduce your high status. Sound familiar?)
E-Engage Physically (Sleep with her asap to set a physical tone for the relationship.)
N-Nurturing Dependence (Make her rely on you. Dennis encourages slashing her tires so she needs rides.)
N-Neglect Emotionally (Once she’s slept with you, pull away to make her question her self-worth.)
I-Inspire Hope (Build her back up by saying you only left because you fell too hard and too quickly for her.)
S-Separate Entirely (Bail once you’ve slept with her a few more times.)

'Oops. I dropped my monster condom that I use for my Magnum dong.'

We see Dennis recounting the successful implementation of his system upon an unsuspecting woman in the episode’s first few minutes, perhaps the funniest segment the show has ever produced. The rest of the episode centers around Dennis’ attempts to seduce the woman once more to prove to his sister, Dee, that he is not a sociopath and that the D.E.N.N.I.S. system leaves women forever receptive to his wiles. To accomplish this, Dennis must overcome not only his former conquest’s bitter hatred of him but also the attempts of Mac and Frank to employ their own seduction methods (the “M.A.C. Method” and “Crumb-Feasting,” respectfully) to sleep with the woman in question.

I probably took far more delight in the episode than the average viewer because a few years ago, I got really into the whole pickup thing for a few months. I changed the wardrobe, tweezed my eyebrows so I didn’t resemble Eugene Levy so strongly and forced myself to go out drinking a few times a week. The entire campaign was a failure because my self-loathing overdrive kicks in any time I’m out at a club surrounded by attractive people and whenever I stick my penis in a woman, I visualize her eyes turning into slot wheels with prizes like “child support payments” and “the high five” (HIV) whirling by. Regardless, do yourself a favor and look up the episode on Hulu when it is available later this week. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must leave to demonstrate my value to the ladies with a box of Magnum condoms and a wad of hundreds.

Click here to watch “The D.E.N.N.I.S. System” via Amazon.