Just the sort of open-mindedness and willingness to experiment I'm looking for from my quarterback.
Do I think Rex Grossman is a long-term solution at quarterback for the Redskins, or even better than John Beck? No. But seeing him alternate between impressive deep shots and mind-numbingly horrible interceptions play after play made me realize something: Rex keeps games exciting. He’s the equivalent of dating a really sexy manic depressive. One day you walk in the door and your pants wind up torn because she can’t get your dick in her mouth fast enough. The next, she’s crying hysterically in the fetal position and carving Cure lyrics in her arm. Yes, the relationship is untenable, and someday, you’re going to have to find a girl who’s a happy medium. But in the meantime, goddamn, what a rush.
I wish the Redskins had the foresight to abduct Dan Marino and/or Snowflake, the Dolphins' mascot.
Considering they’re one of five teams in the league with fewer wins than the Redskins, I feel odd saying this, but…the Dolphins seem far stronger than their 2-7 record indicates. And obviously part of that is a side effect of playing a team doing as poorly as Washington, but, on top of a solid defense, Reggie Bush is running like a man who believes that Kim Kardashian’s ass is waiting for him in the end zone. Miami could serve as an interesting spoiler as the season rolls on.
Best handy ever.
That could have been a picture of Leonard Hankerson about to catch a ball and me commenting on how strong and sure his hands look, but tits make everything infinitely better, so, hey, you’re welcome. After a few games in which Mike Shanahan has opted to finally throw the ball Hankerson’s direction, he’s shown a remarkable ability to make some plays that the Redskins haven’t been able to threaten defenses with since the days of Art Monk. While watching a high draft pick blossom on the field is old hat to the fans of good teams, for Washington Redskins aficionados still coughing up the salty loads that were Malcom Kelly and Devin Thomas, it’s an incredible thrill seeing a receiver do anything at all, much less do it well.
Update: Two hours after I wrote this, Mike Shanahan revealed that Leonard Hankerson sustained an injury in Sunday’s game that will end his season. I’m not saying it’s my fault because I wrote this, but I’m not saying it’s not my fault, either. FML.
I'm bringing up that everyone should own a Ryan Kerrigan jersey in addition to their Chris Cooley jersey at the next white people meeting.
Don’t let the awful record foll you: The Redskins’ defense has fully taken to Jim Haslett’s 3-4 scheme, and is doing great work in it. That they haven’t tied keffiyehs around their faces, abducted Rex Grossman and decapitated him on film after any of the games he’s cost them is testament to their heart. Look for them to be truly dangerous in a few years when they have a quarterback whose inconsistent play isn’t landing them back on the field every five minutes.
For those who live out of market and aren’t forced to endure the weekly three-and-a-half hour prostate exam that is a Redskins game, you’ve been missing out on some pure gold: The Brian Orakpo Geico caveman commercials. The first half of the season featured this triumph, in which Orakpo, whose acting ability is every bit as good as you’d expect a linebacker’s to be, makes the guy playing the caveman seem like a young Brando by comparison. This week, however, fans were treated to a second commercial (embedded above) which features Brian playing scrabble with the caveman, whose feelings are hurt when Orakpo spells “neanderthal” on the board. I have to say, it felt a little weird seeing a black guy use a hurtful racial slur starts with the letter “n” then laugh about it. You know what would have made me laugh? The caveman returning the favor. Now you’ve talking viral video (at least in the South). How about it, Geico?
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Just an FYI, those Orakpo commercials are actually running nationwide, I see them all the time up here in vermont.
I tried to tell him that the last time he mentioned the Orakpo ads, but he didn’t listen. He didn’t listen!
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