Papa's Basement

For those of you unfamiliar with Google Adsense, it is how a lot of websites make their money, including mine (in my case, you’d have to define “money” as “an amount of currency that could get you laid during the Great Depression,” but you get the gist). The brilliant thing about Adsense is that it’s contextual, meaning a webmaster simply has to paste some Google code into their website and Google sticks up ads based upon the most prevalent keywords and tags it finds on the page. For instance, on inpapasbasement.com, you’ll see a lot of ads for Redskins gear and other NFL schmattas because I write about the Redskins more than any other subject (that and they haven’t found a way to advertise sexual frustration yet). This was all well and good until I logged onto my website this morning, where a surprise awaited me. A big surprise.

I don’t know why Google turned on me. Perhaps it went through words I typed to describe this weekend’s podcast. Words like “ugly, ugly woman.” During the show, I talked about Steve Phillips, an ESPN personality, sleeping with a wildly unattractive co-worker of his by the name of Brooke Hundley. So Google, in its infinite wisdom, saw her name and the words “ugly, ugly woman” and decided to run with it, which meant an ad for this on my page.

Great. An ad for “BBW (Big, Beautiful Woman) Romance.” Because it’s not enough that I’m in a rut; now my website is reduced to banging fat chicks, too? I did a spit-take. I mean, Adsense isn’t supposed to be able to go through my computer and find my bookmark to bigtitsroundasses.com (not that I have one or anything…Oh, and don’t visit that link at work) and base its ads off of that, right? So did Adsense really see the words “ugly, ugly woman” and the name “Brooke Hundley” and think to itself “anyone down with that hog is obviously into fat chicks?” I clicked “refresh” on my browser and, sweet Jesus, when I saw this ad, I almost lost it.

Look at the picture of the “robust” young lady above. Now scroll down and find the picture that I used of Brooke Hundley in my previous post. For those of you too lazy to do it, I will do the legwork for you:

Google, you chubby-hating sons of bitches, you’re busted! They’re not ugly, ugly women! They’re big beautiful women, dammit! Beautiful!

Anyone else think I’m onto something? Post a comment and lemme know!