Papa’s Basement 7-17-10-Scott Baio Raped and Killed a Girl in 1990
I discuss my Twitter flame war with “celebrity” Scott Baio (I use “celebrity” in the same sense that the dogs who played Lassie were also “celebrities”). Turns out, he’s a […]
Today, I laid to rest my Nintendo DS. It was not with me for long, but maybe it’ll be enough if you know that, in the few days we had together, we loved a lifetime’s worth (oh, Terminator references). I will now get into the circumstances of its demise and then ask for your wisdom at the end of this post.
DS and I (for the remainder of this piece I will simply refer to my Nintendo DS as “DS,” for it was dear to me as a beloved pet or small child and should be addressed with a proper name in order to reflect this) were minding our business at one of my places of employment, XM Radio. The nature of my job there, running an audio board for various sports broadcasts, requires me to not leave my post for a moment, meaning that, if nature calls, I must contact someone called a “floater” (call a floater so you can drop a floater. How poetic) to cover you so that you can visit the rest room. I try not to chug a ton of fluids while at XM so that I’m not calling the floater non-stop, but I’m usually good for one break per shift just so I don’t end up pissing into the waste basket to prevent my kidneys from exploding by the end of the night. Tonight was no different, and two hours into my shift, I kindly gave my friendly floater a summons.
DS was plugged in and charging as the floater entered my studio, face buried in his laptop. It all happened so fast: He tripped over the charge cord, flinging DS across the room, my diminutive, electronic lover hitting the floor with a sickening thud not unlike Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby. “Mo Chuisle,” I screamed as I leapt to my fallen’s side (actually, I just walked off to take my piss anyhow, but I feared the worst). After returning and telling the floater he was free to go, I attempted to turn DS back on and my fears were confirmed: DS had shuffled off this mortal coil.
At this point I didn’t know how to proceed: I called the floater back and informed him that he had committed an act of homicide, then told him I would speak to management to see if there was any policy regarding we retarded DJs accidentally blowing up each others’ crap before contacting him again. My question to you is this: If you were me, would you ask the floater to reimburse you for the life of the DS he took? And, if you were the floater, would you feel angered by this request or accept it as fair? Leave a comment on this page or Tweet your answer to @papasbasement. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must return to swimming in Johnny Walker and re-watching the first minute of the clip linked below for the 1,000th time. Because that’s how I heal, broseph.
courtney on July 20, 2010
RIP friend
courtney on July 20, 2010
I wish there was a way I could.. console… you?
reallyprofound on July 20, 2010
Tear-jerking, awe-inspiring stuff. Not because of the DS’ demise, because of how unbelievably obvious it is that you need to get laid ASAP.
Order of the Fez on July 20, 2010
Break the floater’s laptop, then bang his partner. That’s just me, though.
Your mom on July 20, 2010
reallyprofound has a point. maybe we could work on that.
Alex Shelley on July 20, 2010
Don’t worry about a single thing. Much like the mighty JC, the DS will rise again, and much like Jebus, he will rise on the 3rd…Dimension? 3DS coming soon, dude. Don’t even sweat it. It already has a Kid Icarus for it too. Fucking ballistic.
Nyssa23 on July 20, 2010
Fuck yeah you should ask him to pony up. It’s his own damn fault for not looking where he was going, as far as I’m concerned.
P.S. Quite an impressive array of gaming consoles, sir. Loved the pics.
Nyssa23 on July 20, 2010
And as for you, Mr. Floater: man up and make it right. That’ll teach you to walk around with your face stuck in your laptop. What are you, Anderson fucking Cooper?