When it comes to breastfeeding, how old is too old? Probably when a kid can pull his mouth off your tit, point to his crotch and say, 'Okay, now finish me off, 'cause I've got class in 20 minutes.'

Papa’s Basement 5-14-12 (iTunes users, please rate and subscribe to Papa’s Basement by clicking here. Left-click the episode title or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen immediately. To download this episode, right-click the episode title and select “Save Link/Target As.” )

In honor of my mother on the phone, here's Estelle Getty dialing away. My favorite scene from that show was when Sophia looked to the camera and said, "It takes a diamond dick to fuck a Golden Girl," then climbed on top of her lover, who, in that particular episode, was portrayed by Julius Erving.

Papa’s Basement 5-07-12 (iTunes users, please rate and subscribe to Papa’s Basement by clicking here. Left-click the episode title or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen immediately. To download this episode, right-click the episode title and select “Save Link/Target As.” )

You can click here to listen to my mom’s QVC clip which is mentioned in the episode. She begins about 1/3 of the way through.

Will isn't just a funny man whose voice comes through your speaker every Monday, ladies: He also wants up in them guts, too.

Hearing Will talk about the women he’s bedded is always a thrill. So click and do just that. (See, not every description has to be a long one.)

Papa’s Basement 4-30-12 (iTunes users, please rate and subscribe to Papa’s Basement by clicking here. Left-click the episode title or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen immediately. To download this episode, right-click the episode title and select “Save Link/Target As.” )

Does anyone in motion look retarded doing anything when it's viewed on a frame-by-frame basis? This should look badass. But it doesn't.

There was a lot more to this episode than Metta World Peace throwing bows. And yet, as I write this summary, I can remember none of it. Plus, Ron Artest clocking James Harden will get more hits than anything else I discuss, so, hey, whatever works. Just know that you will get Metta talk at the end of the episode, but there’s like 45 minutes before that which I couldn’t recall with a gun to my head. Why did I smoke weed in high school?

Papa’s Basement 4-25-12 (iTunes users, please rate and subscribe to Papa’s Basement by clicking here. Left-click the episode title or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen immediately. To download this episode, right-click the episode title and select “Save Link/Target As.” )

Ladies and gentlemen, if you give me your social media billions, I assure you I'll be hitting better ass than Mr. Zuckerberg has managed to pull. Bitch looks like Chairman Mao with tits.

I’m not a believer in any sort of afterlife. I think you die and you rot (happy Monday!). Still, the thought of one day being nothingness terrifies the f out of me, so I throw it out there that, maybe, in the future, our brains will be uploaded to some sort of social media meets Ok Cupid site where we live out eternity as 0s and 1s. If all that sounds depressing, I assure you, it’s handled in a funny way. Or as funny as the prospect of clinging to life as a sector on a hard drive, praying that some idiot doesn’t actually copy over your very being while downloading porn can be.

Papa’s Basement 4-16-12 (iTunes users, please rate and subscribe to Papa’s Basement by clicking here. Left-click the episode title or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen immediately. To download this episode, right-click the episode title and select “Save Link/Target As.” )

I lost my hand virginity to this picture.

Papa’s Basement 4-9-12 (iTunes users, please rate and subscribe to Papa’s Basement by clicking here. Left-click the episode title or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen immediately. To download this episode, right-click the episode title and select “Save Link/Target As.” )

This is not a picture of Trayvon Martin. If you didn't realize that, you might just be a racist.

I tried. I tried to have a serious discussion about the Trayvon Martin situation that’s been taking place for a month now. You know, call for cooler heads to prevail and convey that, even if George Zimmerman is guilty of racial profiling, he’s still entitled to due process and all that. It should have all gone so smoothly.

The problem is that my co-host demanded that we go on air without a lick of show prep. I obliged her, thinking I could wing the show. Which led to me discussing the death of TAYVON JACKSON for 30 minutes, whoever the fuck that is. Very professional of me. Well played, Papageorgiou. Well played.

Papa’s Basement 4-2-12 (iTunes users, please rate and subscribe to Papa’s Basement by clicking here. Left-click the episode title or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen immediately. To download this episode, right-click the episode title and select “Save Link/Target As.” )

Move over, li'l dude. We have a new winner.

Are you familiar with The Crying Game? An early-90s thriller with one of the greatest twists in movie history? Well, this episode is Papa’s Basement’s Crying Game. The story my co-host and brother Will tells in the last 15 minutes of the show is a figurative penis where a vagina should be. So go ahead. Click and listen. Listen to that penis.

Papa’s Basement 3-26-12 (iTunes users, please rate and subscribe to Papa’s Basement by clicking here. Left-click the episode title or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen immediately. To download this episode, right-click the episode title and select “Save Link/Target As.” )

This was one of the top results when I Google Image Searched 'meter maid.' I don't know why, but I'm not knocking it, because actual meter maids are disgusting. How can you be so fat when your job involves so much walking?

Papa’s Basement 3-19-12 (iTunes users, please rate and subscribe to Papa’s Basement by clicking here. Left-click the episode title or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen immediately. To download this episode, right-click the episode title and select “Save Link/Target As.” )

Fact: You aren't seeing any women that look remotely like Jessica Biel, and they won't be pouring hot wax over their bodies like she did in this scene, either.

There are a lot of myths that women believe regarding just what takes place inside of strip clubs. And, with another Will Papageorgiou birthday, comes another trip to see the wonderful women of West Virginia, and another chance to dispel those myths. Hear all about the debauchery (or lack thereof) and why I woke up with pink eye the next day.

Papa’s Basement 3-12-12 (iTunes users, please rate and subscribe to Papa’s Basement by clicking here. Left-click the episode title or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen immediately. To download this episode, right-click the episode title and select “Save Link/Target As.” )