I was originally going to use a sexy photo of Veronica, but she shit a kitten when she found out about that, so here's a photo of awesome ginger porn star Nikki Rhodes instead.

There are scummy, cheating douche bags, and then there is the guy that two-timed my co-host, Veronica. Listen to the extent of his deception (and take notes if you’re looking for advice on how to cheat like a pro). Fortunately, his loss is your gain, because I spend the episode tolling for eligible dong to flirt with Veronica and, if said dong is lucky, take her out. (And if it’s really lucky, plow her.) If you want the details on how to get your crack at Veronica’s vagonica, give a listen to the latest episode of Papa’s Basement. If you meet her specified criteria and submit your contact information to me, you might just get a chance to be the next boy to cheat on her! (Oh, and we wrap up by talking about Christina Aguilera mesntruating down her leg at the Etta James funeral because it’s hilarious.)

Papa’s Basement 2-6-12 (Left-click this link or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen to this episode immediately. To download this episode, right-click this link and select “Save Link/Target As.” iTunes users can download Papa’s Basement by clicking here. And please rate Papa’s Basement five stars on iTunes.)

One of many shows I'm not very proud of having religiously watched.

My new obsession with the BBC comedy Gavin & Stacey led me to a startling conclusion: I’ve watched a lot of sappy TV in my day. Share in the fun as I purge myself on air of my television demons.

Papa’s Basement 1-30-12 (Left-click this link or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen to this episode immediately. To download this episode, right-click this link and select “Save Link/Target As.” iTunes users can download Papa’s Basement by clicking here. And please rate Papa’s Basement five stars on iTunes.)

Am I suggesting I'm Christlike? No. But I do sport a beard and an affinity for lamb chops.

In all of man’s time on this Earth, one of his biggest questions has been “What happens to me after death?” Well, question no longer. My co-host Veronica and I answer that question. It didn’t even take us the whole episode, either. Like 30 minutes tops, leaving us time to talk about whether or not sex should be requisite when visiting someone long-distance and just what a titanic pussy that Italian sea captain who abandoned his sinking ship was.

Papa’s Basement 1-23-12 (Left-click this link or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen to this episode immediately. To download this episode, right-click this link and select “Save Link/Target As.” iTunes users can download Papa’s Basement by clicking here. And please rate Papa’s Basement five stars on iTunes.)

Is watching midget wrestling in a seedy country bar really all that different from a night at the playhouse? I thought not.

So, just how did I spend my Friday night? I’m an erudite man. A fan of the finer things in life. Which means, when I got a chance to watch midget wrestling with some old friends, how could I say no? The event was life-altering. Find out why…aside from the obvious…by listening to the latest episode of Papa’s Basement.

Papa’s Basement 1-16-12 (Left-click this link or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen to this episode immediately. To download this episode, right-click this link and select “Save Link/Target As.” iTunes users can download Papa’s Basement by clicking here.)

Happy New Year, Papa's Basement fans!

Yes, I’m back. And doing what I do best, I might add: Verbally jerking off to the best two weekends of the year, the Wild Card round and Divisional round of the NFL playoffs. Listen to me discuss last weekend’s games, give my picks for this weekend’s games, and hear the story of how I got hustled out of $10 during the Giants-Falcons game by a goddamned flipper baby.

Papa’s Basement 1-13-12 (Left-click this link or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen to this episode immediately. To download this episode, right-click this link and select “Save Link/Target As.” iTunes users can download Papa’s Basement by clicking here.)

For a whitey, that's a passable pooper.

To even a casual fan of this site, it’s obvious that my middle name is “classy.” So it might come as a shock when I tell you this, but I’d go balls-deep in JWoww any day of the week, with or without a condom. Which is a good thing, because HRH released a line of whoretacular bikinis and accompanying promotional photos of her wearing them in which she looks utterly slamable. If you ever wanted to hear two brothers behind a microphone coming as close as it gets to raping a woman with words, now’s your chance.

Papa’s Basement 12-28-11 (Left-click this link or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen to this episode immediately. To download this episode, right-click this link and select “Save Link/Target As.” iTunes users can download Papa’s Basement by clicking here.)

'Hey, Minka, smell my fingers.'

Yankees fan or not, the fact that Derek Jeter dumped Minka Kelly, one of the most beautiful women on the planet, to pursue more strange in the twilight of his career, is a triumph for all men. That he kicks out said strange after one night and sends them home with a gift basket full of autographed memorabilia is even better. Co-host Will and I discuss all of our filthy one-nighters and the only prize we’ve ever sent them home with. (It rhymes with “punwanted bregnancy.”)

Papa’s Basement 12-22-11 (Left-click this link or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen to this episode immediately. To download this episode, right-click this link and select “Save Link/Target As.” iTunes users can download Papa’s Basement by clicking here.)

I guess the J-Mans isn't a fan of eyebrows. Thank God these two have produced 19 children to carry on that handsome DNA of theirs.

I’ve been utterly fascinated with the Duggar family ever since they appeared on my radar a few days ago for snapping photos of themselves fondling their miscarried child. (“Fondle” doesn’t necessarily have a sexual connotation. I felt I should clarify that before you guys assumed that link went to photos of two parents fingerblasting their miscarried child. I WOULDN’T WANT TO GET YOUR HOPES UP!) Why you’d want to handle medical waste, regardless of your religious affiliation is beyond me, and I try to make sense of what the Hell these two were thinking snapping photos of the act. I also nominate Derek Jeter for mack of the millenium and talk about Sam Hurd, a (now former) Chicago Bear’s receiver who moonlighted as a goddamn drug kingpin and got busted because he was about as bright as you’d imagine most football players are.

Papa’s Basement 12-19-11 (Left-click this link or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen to this episode immediately. To download this episode, right-click this link and select “Save Link/Target As.” iTunes users can download Papa’s Basement by clicking here.)

Glasses Boy II Man always seemed the most introspective of the bunch. (You can click the picture to purchase the song. Because who doesn't enjoy reliving the first moment that music made them cry like a bitch?)

Enjoy another solo episode, where I cover such varied topics as saying goodbye to a really fun job, my take on the Tim Tebow phenomenon, why Lindsay Lohan’s breasts in Playboy (link NSFW) were awesome and why I can’t get enough of Jessica Simpson’s fat, farty pregnant tits. Okay, I suppose those last two subjects weren’t too varied.

Papa’s Basement 12-12-11 (Left-click this link or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen to this episode immediately. To download this episode, right-click this link and select “Save Link/Target As.” iTunes users can download Papa’s Basement by clicking here.)

Click this photo to pull Patrice's finger and pre-order his final album, Mr. P., due out in February. Money from the sale goes to support his family.

99 times out of 100, a celebrity dies and I could care less. So why do I find the death of Patrice O’Neal, the most brilliant comedic mind of our generation, so damn depressing? Listen to find out and mourn the passing of a comedy god. (What a way to sell a podcast that people listen to for laughs. Christ I’m horrible.)

Papa’s Basement 12-5-11 (Left-click this link or press the “play” button at the bottom of the post to listen to this episode immediately. To download this episode, right-click this link and select “Save Link/Target As.” iTunes users can download Papa’s Basement by clicking here.)