I spent the first quarter of the Redskins game listening to it on the radio as I drove home from Richmond, aka my happy place, a magical land of really good restaurants and tattooed art students rife with daddy issues.
My five thoughts this week are more scattered than they typically are, mostly due to the fact that I spent some of the game listening to it on the radio and then ignored the final quarter to instead watch real football in the form of the Patriots-Steelers game. (Which, by the way, was awesome.) On with the show.
From left to right, Sam Huff, Sonny Jurgensen and that duplicitous Iago Larry Michael.
The shine of the fantastic Halloween weekend I had in Richmond wore off with a quickness as I spent the first hour of the game not only stuck in I-95′s soul-sucking, looks-like-a-scene-from-The-Walking-Dead traffic, but forced to listen to Dan Snyder’s triumvirate of mediocrity covering it on the radio. For those who live outside of the DC area, I’m not sure if there’s a worse radio team in existence than Sonny, Sam and Larry. Sonny sounds worn out and in need of a nap, Sam comes off as senile to the point I expect him to either soil his pants on-air or forget what decade we’re in and casually refer to one of the players using the n-bomb and Larry spends the entire broadcast trying to figure out whose ass he should bury his sycophantic tongue inside to best advance his career. While that all reads like it’d make for a delightfully listenable train wreck, somehow, it doesn’t.
While Googling 'John Beck', I came across this guy, apparently, also named John Beck. I guess he was an actor from yesteryear. Maybe his career went nowhere because he looks like he blew the Marshmallow Man in his promo still.
This is the one fact you need to know from yesterday’s abortion against the Buffalo Bills: Seven of the Redskins’ 11 offensive drives gained less than 10 yards. It’s hard to quantify how bad that is. If a mailman failed to deliver seven of 11 packages, he’d be fired. If a surgeon lost seven of 11 patients, he’d be sued for malpractice. Yet, if an offense in DC fails to do produce on seven of its 11 drives, it’s paid millions. See, conservatives? The private sector in this city can waste money, too.
Maybe the team should end each practice doing this.
While I’ve already tossed in the towel on this season and, thus, thought I had girded myself against the pain of the loss-bukkake I was expecting to face for its remaining ten games, a shutout penetrates even the deepest of emotional armor. It’s one thing to lose: It’s another to not even score a field goal. Without hyperbole, I can guarantee you there are college programs in this country that could have scored on the Buffalo Bills yesterday, yet the Redskins were unable to do that. Goddamn.
Has anyone ever figured out what's going on with the Bills' logo? Because that red thing looks like a spear getting buried in the side of its head, which doesn't exactly convey a sense of invincibility and triumph.
There’s a great quote about losing from the timeless film Patton: “Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in Hell for a man who lost and laughed.” And, while everything the Scotch-soaked George C. Scott said in front of that glorious flag is true, I will interject this: Losing hurts a lot more when it’s to a weak team or an NFC East rival. At least the Bills are neither of those things.
Sometimes, you can't bear watching something you love sink so low. (I suppose that applies to both The Simpsons and the Redskins, coincidentally enough.)
Look, I’m as loyal a Redskins fan as any. But good football is a precious, finite thing, much like those scant years with your wife before motherhood robs her of her figure and she’s dropping deuces with the door open because she doesn’t give a damn anymore. So, in those situations where I can tell the Redskins are playing the role of quinceañera piñata, I’m now letting myself flip to any game that looks more entertaining/less painful. Yesterday, that game was the Steelers versus the Patriots, which was all the more watchable because I hate both of those teams. It was like seeing two ex-girlfriends beating the living shit out of each other with baseball bats: No matter what the outcome, I felt like I was the winner.
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